Weird Knife Wednesday!

On August 25th, 2023, I made an offhanded comment in the Lemmy.world PocketKNIFE community that we ought to have a Weird Knife Wednesday. The motion was seconded, and boy did I not have any idea what I was getting myself into.

And thus it came to pass that (sort of) every Wednesday ever since, a tradition that has stretched to three years running as of the time of writing, I would post an array of increasingly detailed and long-winded articles showcasing various entries of my collection of strange knives. Somehow this feature became a hit and now my stupid penguin mug is one of the most recognizable faces in the Lemmysphere. This is as much to my surprise as anyone's. I go by the handle @dual_sport_dork in the Lemmy universe. My original intent, as you can see, was to talk about motorcycles. The knife thing happened by total accident and over time has gotten rather out of hand.

The whole thing's been a hoot and a half. I've garnered a ton of support and encouragement from a bunch of total strangers on the internet, and for that I am ever thankful. It's been a process of learning and skill building, as well. I went from taking off-the-cuff snaps of knives sitting on my mousepad with my phone to developing a full blown photography workflow that, if I may be so humble, occasionally results in pictures that put the official manufacturer's photos of some of this junk to shame.

Herewith, then, is a listing of all of my Weird Knife Wednesday columns sorted chronologically, presented for your amusement and going all the way back to the beginning.

Bear in mind that none of the knives showcased here are for sale. All of this is just for entertainment!

CRKT Walker BladeLock

Reknowned knife designer Michael Walker apparently contracted CRKT to make this model purely to thumb his nose at the establishment. A man after my own heart. Did you know that he invented the liner lock? I didn't know that.

Read on lemmy.world.

Gerber Doubledown

I'll have to swallow my pride and get over my lifelong dislike of Geber knives, because they've made a balisong machete. Yeah, there's no way I can not own one of these.

Read on lemmy.world.

Terrain365 Invictus Bali Ti

Hipster knife manufacturer Terrain365 has manufactured a balisong knife apparently tailor made for me. EDC sized, pocket clip, spring loaded latch... Not made of steel?

Read on lemmy.world.

Gragi G512-A Interesting Knife

Look, you can't name your knife "Interesting" and not immediately find me with my face pressed against one of the windows in your factory fogging it up. This thing is Chinese nonsense, yes, but it's weird Chinese nonsense.

Read on lemmy.world.

Cold Steel FGX Tanto Balisong

Halloween Special! A balisong knife that's made entirely out of plastic. That sure sounds familiar. Cold Steel's rendition of this is significantly less cool than mine in several important respects, but it is at least also enormous.

Read on lemmy.world.

CRKT Daktyl

Need a folding knife that opens the wrong way? Give Daktyl!

Also contains the world's least comprehensive capsule biography of designer Tom Hitchcock, and some musings on the nature of knife design itself. Not that I'm putting on airs or anything.

Read on lemmy.world.

NSOUR Stainless Steel

No, really. That's what's it's called: "Stainless Steel." Just, "Stainless Steel."

Read on lemmy.world.

Chong Ming CM78

I promise I didn't buy this from a truck stop. You'll never pin nothing on me, coppers!

Read on lemmy.world.

"C5" Scissors

Quite possibly the most bodacious pair of shears ever made, which also split into a knife. I do a really great Jhonen Vasquez tribute in this one, you've got to see it.

Read on lemmy.world.

CobraTec Quick Strike

Apropos of nothing, I was in the Needful Things Emporium in Charles Town, WV a while ago and they had one of these on display and I almost bought another one, just for the yuks. I didn't, though. True story.

Read on lemmy.world.

YESISOK Originality Pendulum

Another one of those Chinese novelty things with a potentially ironic name. This one is higher quality than what you'd expect to get out of a gumball machine, though, which bucks the trend.

Read on lemmy.world.

CobraTec Gideon

Quite possibly the slickest switchblade ever devised by the hand of man, only mildly brought down by being saddled with a name that makes it sound like it ought to be a Mormon pastor.

Read on lemmy.world.

Spyderco JaniSong

It's a balisong, but it's not. This took rather a lot of explaining.

Read on lemmy.world.

D2 Blade Titanium Alloy MINI

A public service announcement, wrapped up in a knife review. I was really on a kick with single pivot balisong-adjacent designs around this time for some reason. This is kind of like Picasso's blue phase, only stupid.

Read on lemmy.world.

YESISOK "Mechanical" Mini Folding EDC Knife

A weird knife so small you could use it as a zipper tab. Don't tell the TSA you heard that from me, please.

Read on lemmy.world.

"Tian Kon" Commemorative Prop Memorabilia Thing

Dipping our toes in weeb, on this one. Surprisingly, this column does not contain any anime titties. What a disappointment.

Read on lemmy.world.

Glow Rhino The Fermi

A fan sent me this knife to review. It's radioactive! Sort of.

Read on lemmy.world.

Camillus CUDA Mini

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. And still are, probably.

Read on lemmy.world.

Paodin Resurgent

Or: I Got Ripped Off On AliExpress. I know, right? Shocker.

Read on lemmy.world.

UPKnife UPK-D4 Eclipse Ring2 SS

A solution, desperately in search of a problem. Damn if it isn't cool, though, even if it is a bit of a mouthful.

Read on lemmy.world.

"Coldsock II" AKC / DeShivs "Clone"

A Chinese counterfeit which is as far as I can tell not actually a copy of anything. It's sure got me stumped.

Read on lemmy.world.

S-Tec TS004M-SL

What is the most badass folding knife in the world? No, you're wrong. It's this.

Read on lemmy.world.

Craighill Sidewinder

A knife from a non-knife manufacturer, purveyors of the $150 corkscrew. All things considered, this winds up turning out a lot better than it could have.

Read on lemmy.world.

WE Knife Double Helix

What if we did an Axis lock, but did it wrong? Winner of the "Most Innovative New Knife 2018" award according to Knife News, don't you know.

Read on lemmy.world.

DevilFish T23015 Gear Knife

Maybe you could use this to scrape the bottom of that barrel.

Read on lemmy.world.

Snake Eye Tactical CE-5079BL

Not "Snake Eyes." Just the one. A folding knife that wishes it were an axe. It's not, though.

Read on lemmy.world.

Heng Hui "Z3594" Ring Fighter Balisong

The wackiest, clackiest, cheapest, and strong contender for the worst balisong knife anywhere north, east, west, or south of the Pecos. Turns out this one's actually a knockoff of a Terry Guinn original. Except worse.

Read on lemmy.world.

CIVIVI Typhoeus

CIVIVI makes a ton of practical, affordable button lockers. Like you'd ever catch me with one of those.

Read on lemmy.world.

A Very Naughty Push Dagger

Twice as naughty as most, in fact.

Read on lemmy.world.

Schrade SCH404

A nonmetallic liner locker from yesteryear.

Read on lemmy.world.

Treszen EDC Pocket Knife

The most generic name in the world conceals a piccolo knockoff of the Scorpio Shapeshifter. It's also exceedingly shiny. What's not to love?

Read on lemmy.world.

CIZPIROK Double Edge

The continuing chronicles of doin' it wrong.

Read on lemmy.world.

NLX Steampunk

Okay, but hear me out. What if we put the springs on the outside?

Read on lemmy.world.

Elite Tactical Guardsman

An Italian swinging guard for the digital age.

Read on lemmy.world.

Svörd Peasant Micro

The ur-folder. Much respect is due to the only named manufacturer on Earth whose facilities are probably even more low-tech than mine.

Read on lemmy.world.

Artisan Cutlery Kinetic Tool ATZ-1823P

Hey! That's not a knife!

Read on lemmy.world.

Mantis Mothra

You, change your knife, like a girl, changes clothes.

Read on lemmy.world.

Microtech Halo VI T/E

No, I said a real out the front switchblade.

Read on lemmy.world.

Unsolicited Bali-Carrot

The Chinese apparently mailed me this for the express purposes of getting rid of some of their trash.

Read on lemmy.world.

Guard Father Spike OTF

Paging Agent Mulder...

Read on lemmy.world.

"Reate" Exo M

Everyone and their dog has a knockoff of this gravity knife. I do, too.

Read on lemmy.world.

Cold Steel AD-15

Taking Andrew Demko's oddball Scorpion Lock for a swim — er, spin — with this crocodilian folder.

Read on lemmy.world.

This HUAAO... Thing

I'm positive this is a knockoff of something but I'll be damned if I can figure out what.

Read on lemmy.world.

HUAAO "Bugout" Titanium

Exploring the current state of the art in the world of Chinese Benchmade knockoffs. That's not so weird. What's weird is how much better this is than a genuine Bugout.

Read on lemmy.world.

Paragon Warlock

The topper for seemingly every online list of weird knives ever. It must be old hat now, though, based on the paltry number of views I got on this.

Read on lemmy.world.

CRKT Cottidae

Now you, too, can field strip your knife like Forrest Gump's rifle.

Read on lemmy.world.

Cold Steel Kudu

We probably only think this knife is weird because of our position of Western imperialist decadence.

Read on lemmy.world.

Cold Steel Spike

Two Cold Steels in a row. You absolutely cannot get more ninja than this.

Read on lemmy.world.

ElitEdge 10-930GY

This is the knife that proverb was warning you about bringing to a gunfight.

Read on lemmy.world.

Jin Jun Lang JL-16011A

It's really a shame the Chinese aren't any better at coming up with memorable names for their stuff. Just as well, since this one is basically a cynical knockoff of the Kershaw ET.

Read on lemmy.world.

"Mi Crotech" Karambit

A knockoff made with tongue firmly in cheek, and it shows. How can something so stupid still be so cool?

Read on lemmy.world.

Atropos Trapper

Quite possibly the single most hipster knife in the world.

Read on lemmy.world.

S-Tec ♪ Knife-Wrench ♪

Why be halfway competent at just one thing when you can be useless at two?

Read on lemmy.world.

Flipper Spinny-Doo

A blast from the far reaches of the Wish.com past.

Read on lemmy.world.

Cold Steel Finn Wolf

Poster child for the notion that it doesn't have to be bad to be weird.

Read on lemmy.world.

Myerco Besh Wedge Bottle Rocket

I looked all over for the fuse on this thing and I can't find where you light it off anywhere.

Read on lemmy.world.

Iain Sinclair CardSharp-alike

Another cynical knockoff. On the bright side, this one doesn't appear to be appreciably any more awful than the original.

Read on lemmy.world.

The 105XSSL

Faceless. Tiny. Quite possibly the smallest balisong I've ever laid eyes on.

Read on lemmy.world.

Böker Mermaid

A classic. We've all scrolled right past this and never bought one. Well...

Read on lemmy.world.

Masters Collection MC-A030RB

I am neenja, he is neenja, she is neenja too. I am neenja, you are neenja, and I know for sure that this is neenja too!

Read on lemmy.world.

"MADSABRE" Tactical 12.7 Folding Knife

It turns out that this giant stonking thing is a mechanical knockoff of the ancient Marbles folding knife design.

Read on lemmy.world.

Mantis Gearhead

Mantis took one look at the liner locking folder and decided, nah. That's not complicated enough.

Read on lemmy.world.

Mantis Bottleneck BK-3B

A combination bottle opener and balisong folder that's small enough to use as a dogtag.

Read on lemmy.world.

SDOKEDC SD604A

Calling this a folder is almost a misnomer. Hand this to anyone and they're guaranteed to poke themselves with it, and that's even if they can figure out how to open it at all.

Read on lemmy.world.

Nedfoss Balisong-Karambit-Folding-Knife-Thing

You can't buy a balisong knife on Amazon... Except this one. Apparently its jam is so baffling that even Jeff Bezos and his army of robots couldn't figure it out.

Read on lemmy.world.

CRKT Van Hoy Snap-Lock

Trust CRKT to find somebody to draft up a folding knife that opens the wrong way.

Read on lemmy.world.

Schrade SCHOTF3

So your mom won't let you buy an out-the-front switchblade, huh? No problem. You can just have, uh, this.

Read on lemmy.world.

This Double Articulated Stiletto... Thing

This might be hard to open, but I will also have you know that at least it's got rotten cutting performance as well.

Read on lemmy.world.

CRKT Provoke Zap

Part one of my taking-pictures-on-my-mousepad series. I got better at this eventually.

Read on lemmy.world.

Schrade Extreme Survival Viper SCHSAB

Where it all began. The first.

Read on lemmy.world.